In Part 2 of my story, I shared how discovering my wife’s affair shattered our Swedish dream. Now comes the hardest part – dismantling the life we’d built and starting completely over at 48 years old. This is about divorce after chronic illness and what it really takes to rebuild when everything falls apart.
Selling Our Swedish Dream
After Rebecca from Hagfors Fastighetsbyrån estate agents assessed our house, we decided on a technical inspection to speed up the sale. We were off to the Netherlands while the photographer documented our Swedish paradise.
I’d been registered with the Dutch social rental company since 2008 – in the Netherlands, waiting lists for rental houses are incredibly long. We looked online and applied for several houses. If you’re in the top five applicants, you get invited to a viewing.
In our first week back in the Netherlands, we had three viewings. While we waited to hear about housing, we got news from Sweden: the estate agent could show our house to a potential buyer.
So we left our camper in the Netherlands, took the train to Sweden, and brought Lukas with us. When we arrived, our house quickly emptied as all the sold furniture was picked up. Our beautiful dining kitchen lost all its coziness.
Shortly after arrival, Rebecca messaged us: we had an offer. It was slightly more than we’d paid, but with everything we’d invested in improvements, it was still a financial loss. But we had to sell – I had a job in Lisbon starting December 12th, 2022.
The buyers had a rental apartment with a three-month notice period, so final transfer would happen in February. Someone had to look after the house until then.
Meeting Real Friends in Crisis
This is where you discover who your real friends are. We met Remco the day we unloaded the moving van – he was hired by the moving company as local help. A really cool guy with a long beard, ex-military, polite, kind, and genuinely good person.
Remco offered to look after the house. When he asked about the belongings we couldn’t take with us, and we explained we had to leave everything behind, he sold some items and transferred the money to us. When he sold more, he arranged for someone with a van to bring things to the Netherlands.
On November 28th, we left the house in Remco’s hands. I took one last picture and drove away with tears in my eyes.
Back to Reality: Living in Holiday Parks
After arriving in the Netherlands on November 29th, we got a holiday home at Europarc Markermeer in Bovenkarspel. I had 13 days before my next move to Lisbon.
We received news that we’d gotten a rental house in Grootebroek and would receive the keys on December 30th, 2022. But first, we had to sell the camper and four-wheel-drive, and file for divorce.
Being back in the Netherlands meant organization mode. We went to a garage company, sold the camper, and traded in the four-wheel-drive. I no longer had a car.
Soon it was December 12th, 2022 – a day of mixed feelings. I was going to Lisbon where my son had been living for three months. I could hardly wait to see how he was doing.
The Lisbon Disappointment
When I arrived in Lisbon, it was raining heavily. Subway stations were flooded; underground shopping centers were underwater. It was quite a welcome to such a beautiful city.
I was taken to my apartment and given a tour of the living room, bathroom, and my room. I signed the rental agreement and put my belongings in my room. The room had been freshly painted white, but the humidity was incredibly high. When I sat on my bed, it felt really damp.
I contacted the housing department about the room conditions. They said no other rooms were available. This was my home now.
My flatmates were smoking weed (I’m a non-smoker), and I discovered Justin and I lived very far from each other. I had to make a big decision: sign the work contract the next day and start training, or go back to the Netherlands to handle the divorce, leaving my son behind.
After a video call with Justin, we decided I’d book a hotel, make it a short holiday to catch up, and return to the Netherlands on December 19th.
Christmas Alone: Rock Bottom
I booked a bed and breakfast in Onderdijk. My soon-to-be ex-wife picked me up at the airport – that’s when reality really hit.
Just 12 months earlier, I was a happy man about to embark on an adventure. Now my children were scattered across different countries, my wife was living with her mother, and I was alone in a bed and breakfast for Christmas.
What had just happened? Was I living in a nightmare? Where do I go from here?
I made a deal with my soon-to-be ex-wife: when we got the key to our rental house, I’d have my own room, she’d have hers, and we’d share the house while figuring things out.
The Rental House and New Beginnings
On December 30th, we got the house key. I had to leave the bed and breakfast the same day.
Meanwhile, Remco had sent a message asking if he could ship the bed we’d left in Sweden to our new house. Of course we said yes. We had two mattresses to sleep on, but sleeping on the floor isn’t pleasant.
In January, we heard from Lukas that he’d gotten a new job and was going to Sofia to live with his younger brother Tristan. By the beginning of January, our last child had left the country.
We were in renovation mode, getting the house ready. In February, after talking with Esther – a former student from my massage classes who’d become a good friend – I set the goal of reopening my massage business.
By the end of February, we discovered Lukas and Tristan still didn’t have proper housing in Sofia. The people there were corrupt, so the boys asked me to book simple tickets home. We did, and by February’s end, four people were living in our rental house.
The Day Freedom Became Official
On April 17th, 2023, the divorce was final.
Divorce after chronic illness carries unique challenges that healthy couples never face:
Financial Vulnerability: Years of medical expenses and reduced earning capacity during illness mean less financial security during divorce proceedings.
Identity Confusion: When you’ve been defined as “the sick one” for years, divorce forces you to rediscover who you are as an independent, healthy person.
Support Network Disruption: Couples’ friends often choose sides, leaving the chronically ill person with fewer social connections just when they need them most.
Medical Continuity Concerns: Shared health insurance, established medical relationships, and caregiving arrangements all need restructuring.
Emotional Processing: You’re not just grieving the marriage – you’re grieving the person you were before illness and the dreams you had to abandon.
Unexpected Connections and New Identity
Some time later, Esther messaged about an event called “Fantasy meets Spiritual” on October 8th, 2023 – a cosplay/spiritual gathering. I went on Sunday and really enjoyed it, though Esther wasn’t there due to a car accident.
I offered to massage Esther to help with her accident-related stiffness and emotional issues. She was so happy with the treatment that she offered to massage me in return. We found the perfect solution – helping each other.
Meanwhile, I was trying dating apps because my best friend Marloes was doing the same. After one date in November, I was done with dating apps.
But October brought a Halloween party with costume requirement. In minutes, I knew what I had to be: a Viking. This would be the first time in my adult life I’d go out in costume.
It felt good. I’d chosen to be who I felt I was, not who others expected me to be. My mind was free, and from that moment, I knew the Viking wasn’t just a costume.
The Psychology of Reinvention After Divorce
Starting over after divorce following chronic illness requires rebuilding multiple aspects of identity:
Physical Identity: Who am I in my body now that I’m healthy and independent?
Social Identity: Who am I without my role as spouse or patient?
Professional Identity: What work gives me meaning now that I understand my mortality?
Spiritual Identity: What do I believe about life, relationships, and purpose after surviving major challenges?
The Viking costume wasn’t just dress-up – it was the external expression of an internal transformation. I was choosing strength, independence, and authenticity over the roles others had assigned me.
Building New Foundations
By late 2023, I was establishing new patterns:
- Regular massage exchanges with Esther provided both income and friendship
- My children were finding their independence across Europe
- I was learning to live alone without feeling lonely
- The Viking identity was giving me confidence to be authentically myself
The rental house in Grootebroek became my launching pad for rebuilding. Some days were harder than others, but I was no longer the man in the wheelchair, the patient, or the betrayed husband.
I was becoming The Viking.
Lessons About Starting Over
This period taught me crucial lessons about divorce after chronic illness:
Rock Bottom Is a Solid Foundation: When you’ve lost everything – health, marriage, home, financial security – you discover what you’re really made of.
Children Adapt to Authenticity: My kids respected my decision to end an unhealthy marriage more than they would have respected staying in a lie.
New Identities Emerge from Crisis: The Viking wasn’t born from comfort – he emerged from the ashes of everything I thought I was.
Independence Is a Skill: After years of being cared for during illness, then caring for a relationship, learning to be alone was actually a gift.
True Friends Reveal Themselves: People like Remco and Esther showed up when I needed them most, proving that real connections survive any crisis.
Looking Forward
In Part 4, I’ll share the Lisbon chapter – my attempt to finish what I’d started, working alongside my son Justin, and the lessons learned about persistence, family relationships, and knowing when to change course.
Sometimes the most painful chapters of our lives are also the most necessary. Selling our Swedish dream house and going through divorce felt like failure at the time. But it was actually the beginning of building something authentic and sustainable.
The man who emerged from that rental house in Grootebroek was stronger, wiser, and more honest than the one who’d entered it.
Divorce after chronic illness presents unique challenges that require specialized support. The intersection of health struggles, identity changes, and relationship dissolution can feel overwhelming. You don’t have to navigate this alone.
If you’re facing similar transitions, schedule a consultation to explore strategies for rebuilding your life authentically.
Next month: Part 4 – “The Lisbon Chapter: Finishing What I Started and Finding My True Path”
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