The Viking

In Part 4 of my story, I shared my Lisbon chapter and the realization that my true calling was coaching, not customer service. Now comes the most transformative part – how finding authentic love and embracing my Viking identity led to discovering my true purpose. This is about finding purpose after fibromyalgia and building a life that honors your authentic self.

The Viking Costume That Changed Everything

After returning from my first failed Lisbon attempt in late 2022, I was living in the rental house in Grootebroek, slowly rebuilding my life. In October 2023, I was invited to a Halloween party with a costume requirement.

The moment I received the invitation, I knew exactly what I had to be: a Viking.

This would be the first time in my adult life that I’d go out in costume. But putting on that Viking outfit felt like coming home to myself. I had chosen to be who I felt I was, not who others expected me to be. My mind was free, and from that moment, I knew the Viking wasn’t just a costume.

On November 26th, 2023, I went to Rijswijk with Esther – me as a Viking, Esther as a fairy/fantasy figure. At this event, I met Martijn, Esther’s fiancé at the time, who was dressed as a pirate. Meeting Martijn gave me understanding of spiritual freedom. He chose to be a pirate because it gave him the feeling of freedom to be who he felt he was.

This was revolutionary thinking for someone who’d spent years being defined by illness, then by recovery, then by divorce. Through my fibromyalgia journey, I’d discovered that I had always identified myself with my work – I was a truck driver, a massage therapist, a teacher. But now, outside of any professional role, I was discovering my true identity. I could choose who I was, not based on what I did for work, but based on who I felt called to be.

The Viking wasn’t a job title – it was an authentic expression of my inner nature.

The Facebook Group That Changed My Life

As a Viking, I felt truly free. Because of my interest in Vikings, Sweden, and Scandinavian culture, I joined several Facebook groups. One was about the love of the Viking lifestyle.

On the first day in this group, I saw a picture of a woman – mainly her green eyes.

Being really curious, I asked her if I could send her a message. Surprised that I was a man who asked politely, she got curious too. The conversation began.

This was Birgit, and she would become the most important person in my new life.

Love Across Borders: 500 Kilometers of Commitment

We had some big challenges in our relationship. The first challenge was the 500 kilometers between us, which I overcame by driving 1,000 kilometers most weekends for six months.

But there were deeper challenges I won’t detail for privacy reasons. What I can share is that after years of being in a relationship where I felt unseen and unappreciated, Birgit saw me completely – including the Viking identity I was still discovering.

Finding purpose after fibromyalgia often includes learning what authentic love feels like. When you’ve been the “patient” in a relationship, receiving care but not necessarily feeling truly known, discovering someone who sees your strength rather than your limitations is transformative.

The Swedish Holiday That Sealed My Fate

During this period, Justin had the idea to show Sweden to his girlfriend. He asked me if I wanted to drive them there, and I really wanted to. He’d booked the same cottage we’d rented in Sunnemo in 2022.

I contacted Mattias and Deborah, the people who’d bought our Swedish house, and they invited us to visit. Being back in that house felt like being home.

That day, I knew I had to move back to Sweden as soon as possible.

This wasn’t nostalgia or an attempt to recreate the past. Sweden represented something deeper – a place where I could be authentic, where nature surrounded me, where life moved at a pace that honored rather than depleted my nervous system.

The Factory Job That Taught Me Patience

After my Swedish holiday, being back in the Netherlands felt especially difficult. Job-wise, I was working in a factory in Medemblik alongside my massage work. I couldn’t coach people because I wasn’t in the right mindset yet.

My original plan was to work at the factory for just one or two months. But setbacks with my other income sources taught me a crucial lesson: you must ensure there’s a steady income stream. This gives your own business the space to grow without the pressure of immediate financial survival.

I started as a temporary worker in production but soon became a machine operator, line manager, and assembler. I worked there a little over a year.

During that year, I kept thinking about needing a job I could do from anywhere. Online coaching was in my head, but my mind needed more time to process everything that had happened.

The factory work was actually perfect for this transitional period. It required enough focus to keep me present but left mental space to think about my future. Physical work had always grounded me, and returning to it after the chaos of divorce and displacement helped me reconnect with my body’s wisdom.

Building Authentic Relationships

My friendship with Esther deepened during this period. We continued our massage exchanges – she would massage me, I would massage her. For someone who gives massages professionally, receiving therapeutic touch is rare and valuable.

More importantly, Esther understood my journey because she’d been my student. She’d witnessed my teaching style and knew the passion I brought to helping others understand the human body.

Through Esther and Martijn, I was learning about authentic community – people who supported each other’s growth without trying to change or fix each other.

The Wedding That Marked My Departure

In July 2024, I was invited to Esther and Martijn’s wedding – a beautiful weekend where people came in costumes of their choice. This wasn’t just a wedding; it was a celebration of authenticity.

Attending their wedding as The Viking felt like a public declaration of who I’d become. I wasn’t hiding my interests or conforming to others’ expectations of how a 48-year-old divorced man should behave.

After the wedding, I said goodbye to my children Lukas and Tristan, and goodbye to my ex-wife. This was the day I officially left my old life behind.

On July 29th, Birgit and I arrived in Germany together.

The Real Beginning of The Viking Coaching

By the time I returned to Lisbon in July 2024 for my final attempt at finishing what I’d started, everything had changed. I wasn’t running toward something or away from something – I was moving with clear intention.

The marketing company that had promised twenty appointments per month but delivered only two clients in three months taught me a crucial lesson: I couldn’t build an authentic coaching practice using someone else’s methods or values.

I needed to create something that honored my journey, my values, and my unique understanding of what it takes to transform your life after crisis.

Why I Chose to Write My Book

The decision to write my book came from a deep understanding that my story could help others, but not because I saw myself as special or heroic.

I realized that as parents, we often tell our children who they should be based on what other people expect. I believe we should teach children to make good decisions from the heart, not just from the head.

If you choose from your head, you’ll choose what you think you need. If you choose from your heart and it doesn’t work out, you’ve learned something valuable.

My story in the book is meant to inspire, not to position myself as a victim. I’m not a victim – I’m a student of life. I’ve learned many lessons and will learn many more.

You can read the complete story in my book “How I Became The Viking” available on Amazon.

The True Purpose Revealed

Finding purpose after fibromyalgia wasn’t about returning to who I was before illness. It was about integrating everything I’d learned into service to others.

The Viking Coaching represents:

Ancient Wisdom Applied to Modern Challenges: Vikings were explorers, survivors, and community builders. These qualities translate perfectly to navigating chronic illness, divorce, career changes, and identity transformation.

Authentic Strength vs. Toxic Masculinity: The Viking archetype represents true strength – the courage to be vulnerable, to ask for help, to change course when necessary.

Community Over Competition: Vikings survived through cooperation and mutual support, not individual dominance.

Adaptability and Resilience: Viking culture was built on adapting to harsh conditions and thriving despite challenges.

The Integration of All My Experiences

By late 2024, I could see how every piece of my journey contributed to my ability to help others:

• Fibromyalgia and recovery taught me that the body can heal in ways doctors don’t always understand
• Cold exposure and breathwork showed me practical tools for nervous system regulation
• Massage therapy training gave me hands-on understanding of how the body holds stress and trauma
• Teaching experience developed my ability to explain complex concepts simply
• Divorce and starting over taught me about resilience and authentic relationships
• Multiple career changes showed me that professional identity can evolve
• International moves proved that environment significantly affects health and happiness

The Coaching Philosophy Emerges

The Viking Coaching isn’t just about techniques – it’s about helping people discover who they really are beneath the roles others have assigned them.

Whether someone is struggling with chronic illness, relationship challenges, career transitions, or general life dissatisfaction, the core question is always: “Who are you when you’re not trying to be who others expect you to be?”

Finding purpose after fibromyalgia means recognizing that your struggles have given you unique qualifications to help others facing similar challenges.

Looking Forward to the Final Chapter

As I write this in late 2024, The Viking Coaching is no longer just an idea – it’s a mission. I’m helping people discover their own inner Vikings: the part of themselves that’s strong enough to survive any storm, wise enough to adapt to changing conditions, and brave enough to build authentic community.

In the final part of my story, I’ll share how The Viking Coaching officially launched, the specific methods I use to help clients transform their relationship with stress and chronic conditions, and my vision for the future.

But more importantly, I’ll share how you can begin your own Viking journey – discovering the strength, wisdom, and authenticity that were always inside you, waiting to be claimed.

The boy who was easily distracted in school, the man who ended up in a wheelchair, the husband who was betrayed, the father whose children scattered across Europe – all of these experiences were preparing me to become The Viking.

Sometimes our greatest wounds become our greatest gifts.

Finding purpose after fibromyalgia or other major life challenges requires integrating all your experiences into service to others. Your struggles weren’t meaningless – they were preparation for your unique mission.

Ready to discover your own inner Viking? Schedule a consultation to explore how your experiences can become your strength.

Next month: Part 6 (Final) – “The Viking Method: From Personal Recovery to Helping Others Transform”

In Part 3 of my story, I shared how divorce after chronic illness forced me to rebuild everything from scratch. Now comes a crucial chapter about persistence, family relationships, and the unexpected path that led me to my true calling. This is about career change after chronic pain and learning when to pivot toward your authentic purpose.

The Unfinished Business That Haunted Me

After my divorce was finalized in April 2023, something bothered me deeply. In 2022, I’d gone to Lisbon to work alongside my son Justin, but I’d abandoned that plan when the living situation became unbearable. This unfinished business weighed on my mind.

I’d always taught my children to finish what they start. How could I preach persistence while leaving my own commitment incomplete? The fact that I hadn’t finished what I started in 2022 gnawed at me.

So I applied for a job in customer service with the same company. After a couple of interviews, I wasn’t chosen for that position. But they had another project – the exact same project my son had been working on since 2022, where he’d met his girlfriend.

This felt like the universe giving me a second chance.

Preparing for Return: A Different Mindset

By 2024, I was in a completely different headspace than during my first Lisbon attempt. The divorce was behind me, I’d established my Viking identity, and I’d met Birgit in Germany through the Viking lifestyle Facebook group.

I finished my factory work in Medemblik – where I’d been working as machine operator, line manager, and assembler. During that year, I kept thinking I needed a job I could do from anywhere. Online coaching was in my head, but my mind needed more time.

In July 2024, I attended Esther and Martijn’s wedding – a beautiful weekend with people in costumes of their choice. After the wedding, I said goodbye to my children Lukas and Tristan, and goodbye to my ex-wife. This was the day I officially left home.

On July 29th, Birgit and I arrived in Germany. On July 31st, 2024, I flew to Lisbon.

A Completely Different Experience

When I arrived in Lisbon this time, Justin was waiting with his girlfriend. After talking with them, I was picked up by someone who smiled and said, “Wow, you are lucky.”

The address was Avenida Estados Unidos Da América 142 – fifteen minutes’ walk from the office, twenty minutes by metro from training location. I had air conditioning in my room, parking around the corner, and a supermarket nearby. The location was perfect, just really noisy – but that’s city life.

When training started, I was genuinely interested in the topic: diabetes. The group of people was really nice, and on Friday afternoons we’d go out for drinks together. Living was pleasant, but still, my girlfriend was in Germany, my belongings were in the Netherlands, and my future was in Sweden.

Working Alongside My Son

The experience of working in the same office as Justin was profound. Here was my son, who’d been living independently in Lisbon since 2022, showing me around his adopted city. The role reversal was striking – the father learning from the son about resilience, adaptation, and building a life in a foreign country.

Justin had found his path despite all the chaos our family had endured. Watching him thrive professionally and personally while maintaining his relationship with his girlfriend showed me what authentic success looked like.

Career change after chronic pain often means redefining success entirely. For years, I’d measured achievement through physical capability, then through business metrics. But seeing Justin’s contentment in his choices helped me understand that true success means alignment between your values, relationships, and daily work.

The Marketing Company Disappointment

I was working with a UK/Algarve marketing company that had promised me twenty client appointments per month. I was hopeful – my schedule would be full with training from 9 AM to 6 PM, then client meetings from 7 PM to 9:30 PM.

Unfortunately, reality was different. I got two clients in three months.

I had scheduled meetings with potential clients who didn’t show up. I had meetings with the company owner who didn’t show up. This made me sad because coaching is my passion – I’m here to help people.

My core value is being completely open with people. In my way of working, I need one important thing from clients: you have to be willing to grow yourself. You are the result of some of the choices you’ve made. If you’re unhappy with the result, make different choices.

So I made the decision to stop working with that marketing company and continue my journey with a different approach.

The Lessons of Persistence vs. Flexibility

This Lisbon experience taught me crucial lessons about career change after chronic pain:

Finishing What You Start vs. Knowing When to Pivot: Sometimes persistence means completing what you committed to, but other times it means recognizing when a situation doesn’t serve your authentic purpose.

Family Relationships During Career Transitions: Working alongside Justin showed me that parent-child relationships can evolve into mutual respect and support during major life changes.

Geographic Solutions Don’t Fix Purpose Problems: Moving to Lisbon couldn’t solve my deeper question about how to serve people authentically. That answer had to come from within.

Marketing Promises vs. Authentic Connection: The marketing company’s approach felt inauthentic compared to the genuine coaching conversations I craved.

Understanding My True Calling

During those three months in Lisbon, between client calls that didn’t happen and training sessions about diabetes, I had time to reflect deeply on what I really wanted to do.

I’d spent years helping people through massage therapy, teaching students, and informal coaching conversations. But I’d never fully committed to coaching as my primary career path.

The failed marketing partnership actually clarified my vision. I didn’t want to be dependent on someone else’s lead generation or bound by their approach to client relationships. I wanted to build something authentic – The Viking Coaching.

The Decision to Go Independent

The realization that I needed to build my own coaching practice came gradually, then suddenly. I was in Lisbon, supposedly building someone else’s business model, while my real passion was helping people transform their relationship with stress, chronic conditions, and life transitions.

I thought about my own journey:

• From wheelchair to walking through breathwork and cold exposure
• From employee to business owner despite fibromyalgia
• From broken marriage to authentic relationships
• From patient to coach

Each transition had taught me something valuable about human resilience and adaptation. These weren’t just personal experiences – they were professional qualifications for helping others navigate similar challenges.

The Father-Son Dynamic Reversed

One of the most meaningful aspects of the Lisbon chapter was witnessing Justin’s maturity and independence. He’d built a life in a foreign country, maintained a healthy relationship, and found work that suited him.

For a father who’d spent years being the “sick one” in the family, seeing my son thrive independently was both proud and humbling. It showed me that despite all the chaos – the fibromyalgia years, the wheelchair period, the divorce, the multiple moves – I’d somehow raised a resilient, adaptable young man.

This gave me confidence that I could model the same resilience in building my coaching practice.

Preparing for the Next Chapter

By the end of my Lisbon experience, several things were clear:

My future was in coaching, not customer service or anyone else’s business model.

My relationship with Birgit represented the authentic partnership I’d never had during my marriage.

My children were thriving independently, freeing me to focus on my own purpose.

The Viking identity wasn’t just a costume or metaphor – it was a business philosophy based on strength, authenticity, and helping others find their own resilience.

The Courage to Leap

Leaving Lisbon this time felt different than my first departure. I wasn’t running from discomfort – I was moving toward purpose.

Career change after chronic pain requires a different kind of courage than healthy people need. When you’ve lost everything once (health, mobility, independence), starting over feels both terrifying and familiar.

But I’d learned that survival skills from chronic illness translate beautifully to entrepreneurship:

• Patience with slow progress
• Adaptability when plans change
• Persistence through setbacks
• Deep empathy for others’ struggles
• Appreciation for small victories

Looking Forward

The Lisbon chapter closed with clarity about my path forward. I was ready to commit fully to The Viking Coaching – not as a side business or backup plan, but as my primary mission.

In Part 5, I’ll share how meeting Birgit transformed my understanding of authentic love, how the Viking identity evolved from costume to business philosophy, and how everything finally came together to launch the coaching practice I was meant to build.

Sometimes you have to go backward to move forward. My return to Lisbon wasn’t about finishing the original plan – it was about gaining the clarity and confidence to create something entirely new.

Career change after chronic pain presents unique challenges and opportunities. Your experience with illness, recovery, and resilience often points toward your true calling in ways that traditional career paths cannot.

If you’re considering a career transition after health challenges, book a consultation to explore how your experiences can become your professional strengths.

Next month: Part 5 – “Finding Love and Purpose: The Viking Identity Becomes a Mission”

In Part 2 of my story, I shared how discovering my wife’s affair shattered our Swedish dream. Now comes the hardest part – dismantling the life we’d built and starting completely over at 48 years old. This is about divorce after chronic illness and what it really takes to rebuild when everything falls apart.

Selling Our Swedish Dream

After Rebecca from Hagfors Fastighetsbyrån estate agents assessed our house, we decided on a technical inspection to speed up the sale. We were off to the Netherlands while the photographer documented our Swedish paradise.

I’d been registered with the Dutch social rental company since 2008 – in the Netherlands, waiting lists for rental houses are incredibly long. We looked online and applied for several houses. If you’re in the top five applicants, you get invited to a viewing.

In our first week back in the Netherlands, we had three viewings. While we waited to hear about housing, we got news from Sweden: the estate agent could show our house to a potential buyer.

So we left our camper in the Netherlands, took the train to Sweden, and brought Lukas with us. When we arrived, our house quickly emptied as all the sold furniture was picked up. Our beautiful dining kitchen lost all its coziness.

Shortly after arrival, Rebecca messaged us: we had an offer. It was slightly more than we’d paid, but with everything we’d invested in improvements, it was still a financial loss. But we had to sell – I had a job in Lisbon starting December 12th, 2022.

The buyers had a rental apartment with a three-month notice period, so final transfer would happen in February. Someone had to look after the house until then.

Meeting Real Friends in Crisis

This is where you discover who your real friends are. We met Remco the day we unloaded the moving van – he was hired by the moving company as local help. A really cool guy with a long beard, ex-military, polite, kind, and genuinely good person.

Remco offered to look after the house. When he asked about the belongings we couldn’t take with us, and we explained we had to leave everything behind, he sold some items and transferred the money to us. When he sold more, he arranged for someone with a van to bring things to the Netherlands.

On November 28th, we left the house in Remco’s hands. I took one last picture and drove away with tears in my eyes.

Back to Reality: Living in Holiday Parks

After arriving in the Netherlands on November 29th, we got a holiday home at Europarc Markermeer in Bovenkarspel. I had 13 days before my next move to Lisbon.

We received news that we’d gotten a rental house in Grootebroek and would receive the keys on December 30th, 2022. But first, we had to sell the camper and four-wheel-drive, and file for divorce.

Being back in the Netherlands meant organization mode. We went to a garage company, sold the camper, and traded in the four-wheel-drive. I no longer had a car.

Soon it was December 12th, 2022 – a day of mixed feelings. I was going to Lisbon where my son had been living for three months. I could hardly wait to see how he was doing.

The Lisbon Disappointment

When I arrived in Lisbon, it was raining heavily. Subway stations were flooded; underground shopping centers were underwater. It was quite a welcome to such a beautiful city.

I was taken to my apartment and given a tour of the living room, bathroom, and my room. I signed the rental agreement and put my belongings in my room. The room had been freshly painted white, but the humidity was incredibly high. When I sat on my bed, it felt really damp.

I contacted the housing department about the room conditions. They said no other rooms were available. This was my home now.

My flatmates were smoking weed (I’m a non-smoker), and I discovered Justin and I lived very far from each other. I had to make a big decision: sign the work contract the next day and start training, or go back to the Netherlands to handle the divorce, leaving my son behind.

After a video call with Justin, we decided I’d book a hotel, make it a short holiday to catch up, and return to the Netherlands on December 19th.

Christmas Alone: Rock Bottom

I booked a bed and breakfast in Onderdijk. My soon-to-be ex-wife picked me up at the airport – that’s when reality really hit.

Just 12 months earlier, I was a happy man about to embark on an adventure. Now my children were scattered across different countries, my wife was living with her mother, and I was alone in a bed and breakfast for Christmas.

What had just happened? Was I living in a nightmare? Where do I go from here?

I made a deal with my soon-to-be ex-wife: when we got the key to our rental house, I’d have my own room, she’d have hers, and we’d share the house while figuring things out.

The Rental House and New Beginnings

On December 30th, we got the house key. I had to leave the bed and breakfast the same day.

Meanwhile, Remco had sent a message asking if he could ship the bed we’d left in Sweden to our new house. Of course we said yes. We had two mattresses to sleep on, but sleeping on the floor isn’t pleasant.

In January, we heard from Lukas that he’d gotten a new job and was going to Sofia to live with his younger brother Tristan. By the beginning of January, our last child had left the country.

We were in renovation mode, getting the house ready. In February, after talking with Esther – a former student from my massage classes who’d become a good friend – I set the goal of reopening my massage business.

By the end of February, we discovered Lukas and Tristan still didn’t have proper housing in Sofia. The people there were corrupt, so the boys asked me to book simple tickets home. We did, and by February’s end, four people were living in our rental house.

The Day Freedom Became Official

On April 17th, 2023, the divorce was final.

Divorce after chronic illness carries unique challenges that healthy couples never face:

Financial Vulnerability: Years of medical expenses and reduced earning capacity during illness mean less financial security during divorce proceedings.

Identity Confusion: When you’ve been defined as “the sick one” for years, divorce forces you to rediscover who you are as an independent, healthy person.

Support Network Disruption: Couples’ friends often choose sides, leaving the chronically ill person with fewer social connections just when they need them most.

Medical Continuity Concerns: Shared health insurance, established medical relationships, and caregiving arrangements all need restructuring.

Emotional Processing: You’re not just grieving the marriage – you’re grieving the person you were before illness and the dreams you had to abandon.

Unexpected Connections and New Identity

Some time later, Esther messaged about an event called “Fantasy meets Spiritual” on October 8th, 2023 – a cosplay/spiritual gathering. I went on Sunday and really enjoyed it, though Esther wasn’t there due to a car accident.

I offered to massage Esther to help with her accident-related stiffness and emotional issues. She was so happy with the treatment that she offered to massage me in return. We found the perfect solution – helping each other.

Meanwhile, I was trying dating apps because my best friend Marloes was doing the same. After one date in November, I was done with dating apps.

But October brought a Halloween party with costume requirement. In minutes, I knew what I had to be: a Viking. This would be the first time in my adult life I’d go out in costume.

It felt good. I’d chosen to be who I felt I was, not who others expected me to be. My mind was free, and from that moment, I knew the Viking wasn’t just a costume.

The Psychology of Reinvention After Divorce

Starting over after divorce following chronic illness requires rebuilding multiple aspects of identity:

Physical Identity: Who am I in my body now that I’m healthy and independent?

Social Identity: Who am I without my role as spouse or patient?

Professional Identity: What work gives me meaning now that I understand my mortality?

Spiritual Identity: What do I believe about life, relationships, and purpose after surviving major challenges?

The Viking costume wasn’t just dress-up – it was the external expression of an internal transformation. I was choosing strength, independence, and authenticity over the roles others had assigned me.

Building New Foundations

By late 2023, I was establishing new patterns:

• Regular massage exchanges with Esther provided both income and friendship
• My children were finding their independence across Europe
• I was learning to live alone without feeling lonely
• The Viking identity was giving me confidence to be authentically myself

The rental house in Grootebroek became my launching pad for rebuilding. Some days were harder than others, but I was no longer the man in the wheelchair, the patient, or the betrayed husband.

I was becoming The Viking.

Lessons About Starting Over

This period taught me crucial lessons about divorce after chronic illness:

Rock Bottom Is a Solid Foundation: When you’ve lost everything – health, marriage, home, financial security – you discover what you’re really made of.

Children Adapt to Authenticity: My kids respected my decision to end an unhealthy marriage more than they would have respected staying in a lie.

New Identities Emerge from Crisis: The Viking wasn’t born from comfort – he emerged from the ashes of everything I thought I was.

Independence Is a Skill: After years of being cared for during illness, then caring for a relationship, learning to be alone was actually a gift.

True Friends Reveal Themselves: People like Remco and Esther showed up when I needed them most, proving that real connections survive any crisis.

Looking Forward

In Part 4, I’ll share the Lisbon chapter – my attempt to finish what I’d started, working alongside my son Justin, and the lessons learned about persistence, family relationships, and knowing when to change course.

Sometimes the most painful chapters of our lives are also the most necessary. Selling our Swedish dream house and going through divorce felt like failure at the time. But it was actually the beginning of building something authentic and sustainable.

The man who emerged from that rental house in Grootebroek was stronger, wiser, and more honest than the one who’d entered it.

Divorce after chronic illness presents unique challenges that require specialized support. The intersection of health struggles, identity changes, and relationship dissolution can feel overwhelming. You don’t have to navigate this alone.

If you’re facing similar transitions, schedule a consultation to explore strategies for rebuilding your life authentically.

Next month: Part 4 – “The Lisbon Chapter: Finishing What I Started and Finding My True Path”

In Part 1 of my story, I shared how fibromyalgia brought me from a wheelchair to recovery through cold exposure and breathwork. But recovery from chronic illness isn’t just about healing your body – it’s about rebuilding your entire life. And sometimes, that process reveals truths you never wanted to face.

This is the story of how my Swedish dream became a nightmare, and how chronic illness relationship stress can surface during life’s biggest transitions.

When COVID Changed Everything

By 2020, I had found my sweet spot in life. I was teaching massage two nights a week and running my own practice during the day. My wife taught reflexology and had her own massage business. We weren’t making much money, but we were safe and living well.

Then COVID hit the Netherlands in early January. People with contact jobs had to close their doors. Night schools shut down. All the work we were doing was suddenly forbidden.

The world became uncertain and divided. People were angry everywhere – those with vaccines angry at those without, and vice versa. Discussions erupted in supermarkets, during massage classes, even during treatments. The atmosphere became toxic.

My wife and I decided we’d had enough. I wanted to leave the Netherlands for a few years.

During my truck driving career, I’d been to Sweden and remembered its peaceful energy. I asked my wife, “If I say let’s move to Sweden, what will your answer be?” I really thought she’d say no.

But she said yes – let’s sell the house and move to Sweden.

The Journey North: A New Beginning

On March 1st, 2022, around 5 PM, our house was sold and we set off for Sweden. We’d bought a four-wheel-drive car with good winter tires, packed it full including the back seat, leaving space for our two dogs. Our children would follow by train five days later.

The 20-hour drive was an adventure. We ended up on a small forest road in northern Germany (thanks to the eco-friendly route setting), had close encounters with deer, and fantasized about the snow waiting for us in Sweden.

After a short, cold nap in Denmark, we continued north. Late in the afternoon, we arrived at a Bed & Breakfast in Ransäter. When we stepped out of the car, we had to walk carefully – the garden was covered in ice.

I was exhausted and emotional. We were leaving the place that had been our home for twenty-two years. I was twenty-three when I moved into that house, leaving my parents’ home for the first time. Now I was in Sweden, not knowing which house we were buying, with emotions running high.

But the next morning changed everything. We woke up and walked the dogs in the snow. Suddenly we were in a world with forest right next to our front door. Within five minutes of walking, we saw deer in the distance. Coming from the Netherlands, where the average wildlife sighting is a small bird or domestic cats and dogs, this felt magical.

Finding Our Swedish Paradise

After viewing houses across Sweden – driving 3,500 kilometers before finding the right one – we bought a Swedish red house on a hill in Hagfors. It had a big barn, underground garage, and 5,410 square meters of garden. It was paradise, and it was ours.

The moving process was challenging – that’s the risk of buying a house on a hill. But we finally got the keys on May 13th, 2022, at 1 PM.

Summer in Sweden meant constant work. You can’t do much outside during winter, so I worked incredibly hard those first months. I bought a lawnmower tractor for the massive garden, removed stones and tree stumps, improved the balcony, and installed a wood-burning stove connected to central heating.

We even witnessed the Northern Lights in our second week – tears in my eyes from the beauty. Green and purple shapes dancing across the sky in absolute silence, like Valhalla having a disco party. It was the best light show I’d ever witnessed.

The Moment Everything Shattered

August arrived, and my children were coming home from their visits to the Netherlands. But the day I picked up Tristan and Lukas from the airport became one I’ll never forget.

After the six-hour round trip to collect them, I went to my office in the basement. When I came into the kitchen, I could see a conversation between my wife and a former client from the Netherlands on her phone. I quickly realized this was more than a friendly conversation.

My blood was boiling. This wasn’t the first time.

As calmly as I could, I asked her how long this affair had been going on. I couldn’t get a straight answer, but I recognized the pattern. She’d said the same things in 2016 when I discovered her affair with my children’s football coach.

The timing was devastating. Months of preparing to move to Sweden – and secretly, my wife was in the arms of a married man. Months of hard work preparing our dream house where we could live mortgage-free – and she was still secretly in contact with him, trying to get him to visit for a holiday.

The Psychological Impact of Chronic Illness Relationship Stress

What many people don’t understand is how chronic illness affects relationships in ways that don’t surface until years later. When I was in the wheelchair, dependent and vulnerable, our relationship dynamics shifted fundamentally. I became the patient; she became the caregiver.

But as I recovered and regained my strength, these unaddressed patterns created cracks that major life stress – like moving to another country – exposed completely.

Chronic illness relationship stress doesn’t just happen during the acute phase of illness. It can emerge during:

• Major life transitions (like moving countries)
• Moments when the ill partner regains independence
• Times of external stress (like COVID restrictions)
• When couples face their first major decision post-recovery

The person who was once dependent may discover their partner made emotional connections elsewhere during their vulnerable period. The caregiver may have never processed their own trauma from watching a loved one suffer.

The Choice That Defined Everything

I told her this would be the day she told our children the truth. They were all adults – I could speak freely about what was troubling me. The first day of Lukas’s life in Sweden was not a good day for him, or any of us.

Then came the moment when the future of our marriage was in my hands. I’d had many conversations with my children, and suddenly my past struggles made sense to them.

Giving someone a second chance shows willingness to make the marriage work. Giving someone a third chance would make me a fool.

I was lucky with one decision I’d made – I’d bought a Swedish camper van. At the end of August, Lukas went home to the Netherlands. My wife and I agreed we needed a holiday there to think things through.

The Separation Plan

We decided on a short-term plan. I would go to the Netherlands in my caravan to do training starting in October. My wife would stay in Sweden to figure things out on her own. We both needed time to think about what we needed for our future.

Meanwhile, our children were scattering across Europe. Justin had gotten a job in Lisbon and flew out on September 14th, 2022. After taking him to the airport, I was really emotional. Tristan had also applied for jobs in other countries.

Here I was, alone for the first time in 22 years, living in my motorhome in the Netherlands in October cold. A couple of weeks later, I got news that Tristan had also gotten a job and was leaving the family home.

I wasn’t there to say goodbye.

The Hardest Decision

After a few weeks in the freezing caravan, I had to choose: continue training for three more months in those conditions and risk serious depression, or return to Sweden.

I called my wife and asked: “When I’m back, can we be normal and nice to each other? We have to get through this together.”

Her answer was yes.

But when I returned to Sweden, it became clear that divorce was inevitable. My wife didn’t want to stay in Sweden. I made the decision to follow Justin to Lisbon.

We had to sell our dream house, the camper, and the 4×4 vehicle.

Lessons About Chronic Illness and Relationships

This painful chapter taught me crucial lessons about chronic illness relationship stress:

Healing Happens on Different Timelines: My physical recovery took years, but the relationship recovery never happened. We never addressed how fibromyalgia had changed our dynamic.

Major Transitions Reveal Hidden Truths: Moving to Sweden didn’t cause the relationship problems – it revealed them. The stress of a major change brought existing issues to the surface.

Independence Can Threaten Caregivers: As I regained my strength and independence, it threatened the caregiver role my wife had adopted. Some partners struggle when the “patient” no longer needs them in the same way.

Recovery Requires Authentic Relationships: True healing means surrounding yourself with people who support your growth, not those who need you to stay small or dependent.

The Silver Lining

Though selling our Swedish dream house was heartbreaking, this crisis forced me to face reality. I couldn’t build a new life on a foundation of old patterns and hidden resentments.

Sometimes the universe pushes us toward changes we wouldn’t choose ourselves. The end of my marriage was devastating, but it was also the beginning of discovering who I really was – not as someone’s patient or dependent partner, but as The Viking.

Looking Forward

In Part 3, I’ll share how I navigated the practical and emotional challenges of divorce, selling our Swedish paradise, and starting completely over at age 48. I’ll also reveal how this crisis led to unexpected discoveries about resilience, identity, and what it really means to rebuild your life from scratch.

The journey from Sweden back to reality was brutal, but it was also where I began to understand that true recovery means living authentically – even when that truth is painful.

Chronic illness affects every aspect of life, including relationships. If you’re struggling with the impact of health challenges on your marriage or partnerships, know that you’re not alone. Sometimes the hardest part of recovery is rebuilding relationships that can support your new, healthier self.

Ready to explore how chronic illness has affected your relationships? Book a free consultation to discuss strategies for navigating these complex dynamics.

Next month: Part 3 – “From Swedish Paradise to Starting Over: The Divorce That Set Me Free”