In Part 1 of my story, I shared how fibromyalgia brought me from a wheelchair to recovery through cold exposure and breathwork. But recovery from chronic illness isn’t just about healing your body – it’s about rebuilding your entire life. And sometimes, that process reveals truths you never wanted to face.
This is the story of how my Swedish dream became a nightmare, and how chronic illness relationship stress can surface during life’s biggest transitions.
When COVID Changed Everything
By 2020, I had found my sweet spot in life. I was teaching massage two nights a week and running my own practice during the day. My wife taught reflexology and had her own massage business. We weren’t making much money, but we were safe and living well.
Then COVID hit the Netherlands in early January. People with contact jobs had to close their doors. Night schools shut down. All the work we were doing was suddenly forbidden.
The world became uncertain and divided. People were angry everywhere – those with vaccines angry at those without, and vice versa. Discussions erupted in supermarkets, during massage classes, even during treatments. The atmosphere became toxic.
My wife and I decided we’d had enough. I wanted to leave the Netherlands for a few years.
During my truck driving career, I’d been to Sweden and remembered its peaceful energy. I asked my wife, “If I say let’s move to Sweden, what will your answer be?” I really thought she’d say no.
But she said yes – let’s sell the house and move to Sweden.
The Journey North: A New Beginning
On March 1st, 2022, around 5 PM, our house was sold and we set off for Sweden. We’d bought a four-wheel-drive car with good winter tires, packed it full including the back seat, leaving space for our two dogs. Our children would follow by train five days later.
The 20-hour drive was an adventure. We ended up on a small forest road in northern Germany (thanks to the eco-friendly route setting), had close encounters with deer, and fantasized about the snow waiting for us in Sweden.
After a short, cold nap in Denmark, we continued north. Late in the afternoon, we arrived at a Bed & Breakfast in Ransäter. When we stepped out of the car, we had to walk carefully – the garden was covered in ice.
I was exhausted and emotional. We were leaving the place that had been our home for twenty-two years. I was twenty-three when I moved into that house, leaving my parents’ home for the first time. Now I was in Sweden, not knowing which house we were buying, with emotions running high.
But the next morning changed everything. We woke up and walked the dogs in the snow. Suddenly we were in a world with forest right next to our front door. Within five minutes of walking, we saw deer in the distance. Coming from the Netherlands, where the average wildlife sighting is a small bird or domestic cats and dogs, this felt magical.
Finding Our Swedish Paradise
After viewing houses across Sweden – driving 3,500 kilometers before finding the right one – we bought a Swedish red house on a hill in Hagfors. It had a big barn, underground garage, and 5,410 square meters of garden. It was paradise, and it was ours.
The moving process was challenging – that’s the risk of buying a house on a hill. But we finally got the keys on May 13th, 2022, at 1 PM.
Summer in Sweden meant constant work. You can’t do much outside during winter, so I worked incredibly hard those first months. I bought a lawnmower tractor for the massive garden, removed stones and tree stumps, improved the balcony, and installed a wood-burning stove connected to central heating.
We even witnessed the Northern Lights in our second week – tears in my eyes from the beauty. Green and purple shapes dancing across the sky in absolute silence, like Valhalla having a disco party. It was the best light show I’d ever witnessed.
The Moment Everything Shattered
August arrived, and my children were coming home from their visits to the Netherlands. But the day I picked up Tristan and Lukas from the airport became one I’ll never forget.
After the six-hour round trip to collect them, I went to my office in the basement. When I came into the kitchen, I could see a conversation between my wife and a former client from the Netherlands on her phone. I quickly realized this was more than a friendly conversation.
My blood was boiling. This wasn’t the first time.
As calmly as I could, I asked her how long this affair had been going on. I couldn’t get a straight answer, but I recognized the pattern. She’d said the same things in 2016 when I discovered her affair with my children’s football coach.
The timing was devastating. Months of preparing to move to Sweden – and secretly, my wife was in the arms of a married man. Months of hard work preparing our dream house where we could live mortgage-free – and she was still secretly in contact with him, trying to get him to visit for a holiday.
The Psychological Impact of Chronic Illness Relationship Stress
What many people don’t understand is how chronic illness affects relationships in ways that don’t surface until years later. When I was in the wheelchair, dependent and vulnerable, our relationship dynamics shifted fundamentally. I became the patient; she became the caregiver.
But as I recovered and regained my strength, these unaddressed patterns created cracks that major life stress – like moving to another country – exposed completely.
Chronic illness relationship stress doesn’t just happen during the acute phase of illness. It can emerge during:
- Major life transitions (like moving countries)
- Moments when the ill partner regains independence
- Times of external stress (like COVID restrictions)
- When couples face their first major decision post-recovery
The person who was once dependent may discover their partner made emotional connections elsewhere during their vulnerable period. The caregiver may have never processed their own trauma from watching a loved one suffer.
The Choice That Defined Everything
I told her this would be the day she told our children the truth. They were all adults – I could speak freely about what was troubling me. The first day of Lukas’s life in Sweden was not a good day for him, or any of us.
Then came the moment when the future of our marriage was in my hands. I’d had many conversations with my children, and suddenly my past struggles made sense to them.
Giving someone a second chance shows willingness to make the marriage work. Giving someone a third chance would make me a fool.
I was lucky with one decision I’d made – I’d bought a Swedish camper van. At the end of August, Lukas went home to the Netherlands. My wife and I agreed we needed a holiday there to think things through.
The Separation Plan
We decided on a short-term plan. I would go to the Netherlands in my caravan to do training starting in October. My wife would stay in Sweden to figure things out on her own. We both needed time to think about what we needed for our future.
Meanwhile, our children were scattering across Europe. Justin had gotten a job in Lisbon and flew out on September 14th, 2022. After taking him to the airport, I was really emotional. Tristan had also applied for jobs in other countries.
Here I was, alone for the first time in 22 years, living in my motorhome in the Netherlands in October cold. A couple of weeks later, I got news that Tristan had also gotten a job and was leaving the family home.
I wasn’t there to say goodbye.
The Hardest Decision
After a few weeks in the freezing caravan, I had to choose: continue training for three more months in those conditions and risk serious depression, or return to Sweden.
I called my wife and asked: “When I’m back, can we be normal and nice to each other? We have to get through this together.”
Her answer was yes.
But when I returned to Sweden, it became clear that divorce was inevitable. My wife didn’t want to stay in Sweden. I made the decision to follow Justin to Lisbon.
We had to sell our dream house, the camper, and the 4×4 vehicle.
Lessons About Chronic Illness and Relationships
This painful chapter taught me crucial lessons about chronic illness relationship stress:
Healing Happens on Different Timelines: My physical recovery took years, but the relationship recovery never happened. We never addressed how fibromyalgia had changed our dynamic.
Major Transitions Reveal Hidden Truths: Moving to Sweden didn’t cause the relationship problems – it revealed them. The stress of a major change brought existing issues to the surface.
Independence Can Threaten Caregivers: As I regained my strength and independence, it threatened the caregiver role my wife had adopted. Some partners struggle when the “patient” no longer needs them in the same way.
Recovery Requires Authentic Relationships: True healing means surrounding yourself with people who support your growth, not those who need you to stay small or dependent.
The Silver Lining
Though selling our Swedish dream house was heartbreaking, this crisis forced me to face reality. I couldn’t build a new life on a foundation of old patterns and hidden resentments.
Sometimes the universe pushes us toward changes we wouldn’t choose ourselves. The end of my marriage was devastating, but it was also the beginning of discovering who I really was – not as someone’s patient or dependent partner, but as The Viking.
Looking Forward
In Part 3, I’ll share how I navigated the practical and emotional challenges of divorce, selling our Swedish paradise, and starting completely over at age 48. I’ll also reveal how this crisis led to unexpected discoveries about resilience, identity, and what it really means to rebuild your life from scratch.
The journey from Sweden back to reality was brutal, but it was also where I began to understand that true recovery means living authentically – even when that truth is painful.
Chronic illness affects every aspect of life, including relationships. If you’re struggling with the impact of health challenges on your marriage or partnerships, know that you’re not alone. Sometimes the hardest part of recovery is rebuilding relationships that can support your new, healthier self.
Ready to explore how chronic illness has affected your relationships? Book a free consultation to discuss strategies for navigating these complex dynamics.
Next month: Part 3 – “From Swedish Paradise to Starting Over: The Divorce That Set Me Free”
Comments are closed